It has been twelve days since I got back home and this is what I have achieved in that period of time:

1. Caught up with cousins and family.
2. Met with Cassey and some of the crew.
3. Downloaded 150+ songs.
4. Wrote one English essay and faxed it to Ms Knorr.
5. Completed Prison Break season 2
6. Completed Heroes season 1.
7. Completed Ugly Betty season 1.
8. Completed Lost season 3.

And has it been busy? Oh, definitely. I spent approximately 12 hours of last Sunday watching Heroes and Lost. I'd wake up at 9am every morning so I could get a head start. I reckon I've had enough "rest"!

While I was watching TV today, I noticed there was a fax that had arrived. I thought it must be for mum, because she always gets the faxes. I had previously been hoping that Ms Knorr would send me back my essay with feedback, and all the times a fax had come in, it was for mum. This time, it wasn't. It came as such a surprise - my English teacher does care about me after all! Attached to my marked essay was feedback. Turned out I didn't do as bad as I had thought. I just missed out a huge chunk of discussion that I should have included. I now have another essay to write in by the 13th. That should get me into the work mode again!

I've been getting alot of shit about life after school from mum and my relatives. Don't get me wrong, I really like what Billy Blue has to offer, but I'm starting to have doubts. Mum told me that it was going to be very difficult to make a place in the advertising industry. I understand, it's highly competitive. But what workplace isn't? I'm worried that I'm not cut out for graphic design anymore. Mum doesn't like the fact that the course is very artsy-fartsy and requires alot of drawing and creating. But I keep thinking that it's just starting point! I mean, every one's got to start from scratch, right?

My relatives suggested I look elsewhere, like interstate in Australia or maybe even the US or Britain. The reason I didn't look any further was because I'd heard that my dad didn't want Riana and me to be in two different states. Besides, we've already got an apartment over there and that's accommodation being taken cared for. I know the roads better than KL, even. I'd just hate to start over in a totally new environment, that's all.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm feeling so troubled and confused. I really liked those times when I was definite about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do there. Now, I'm clouded with uncertainty.


I'm so tired of my younger sister being so hostile to my mum. Ever since my sister has been back, she's been so horrible to mum, telling her to shut up and some times hinting to her that she's worthless. And the thing is, mum doesn't do anything about it! She doesn't even stand up for herself! I hate the disrespect she shows to mum. It doesn't just happen in home either. It happens in public too, and it's embarrassing - for me, and most especially my mum. Regardless of who you are, how old you think you are, your parents are two people you must respect. It's not a matter of who made you angry or who didn't let you do what you want, but our parents are the ones who know best and all they want to do is protect us -- am I right?

The worst thing about all of this, is that I can't do a thing about it. Or at least, I don't think I can. The last time I told my sister to do the right thing, she snapped at me and then rebounded all her anger off on my poor mum. I spent my whole supper time in the boarding house trying to calm my mother down. It was so serious that Mrs Wilson had to do something about it. I decided after that day that I wasn't going to be involved in my younger sister's actions, because she'll just have to learn by herself and through her own actions. She never listens to me anyway. She's always wishing I could hug her and other stupid things that don't mean anything - what's the point anyway when she never listens to me?


I've got to get ready for dinner tonight. Going to the Laundry Bar at The Curve. To be honest, I don't want to go. I'm feeling frustrated at my sister and the last thing I need is to be sitting around friends who I don't feel as comfortable around with. But I guess I do need to get out. Socialise. I better hurry before someone comes in and gives me a good shouting.

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 17:42